David “Skeeter” Vandermast
After several months of planning and anticipation, our small caravan of wildflower pilgrims departed for our Mecca, Big Bend National Park (BIBE), Texas, at roughly 6:30 in the morning. With the exception of our faculty leader, Dr. Robert Peet, none of us had ever been to BIBE in spring. We left Chapel Hill with the knowledge that BIBE had a relatively wet winter and consequently, this wildflower season was supposed to the best in many years. The combination of the novelty of the destination and the anticipation of an exceptional wildflower season generated an enthusiastic attitude among the participants despite the long (est. 36 hour) drive.
We traveled in three UNC Motor Fleet vans. The lead van, a white Dodge Ram, was dubbed “White Whale” and contained our venerable leader Bob “Supreme Commander” Peet, current UNC graduate students Jason “Freak Daddy” Fridley, Laura “Cloak” Phillips, and Becky Brown, as well as former UNC undergrad and current Duke graduate student, Rob McDonald.
Becky somehow avoided acquiring a nickname during the trip; Rob’s lack of a pseudonym was largely due to indecision on his part. Becky could have been known as “Slice” as she ran into something during our first full day in the desert that sliced her leg open and caused blood to stream down her leg. Amputation with a rusty pocketknife was suggested but was eventually considered unnecessary by wiser lab group members. Rob was offered at least two nicknames, one of which shouldn’t be printed in this document, but didn’t like either and ended the trip “pseudonymless”.
The second van in our caravan was a green Ford Aerostar that originally went by the handle “Booger” but morphed through numerous alternative names to “Crouching Tiger” by the end of the trip. In this van rode current UNC graduate students Andy “Sex Machine” Gerschutz, Andrea “Squeak” Jones, Dane “Lizard Crusher” Kuppinger, and current UNC undergrad Molly “Maiden Molly” Nixon.
The final van adopted the moniker “Homeslice”. It was a blue Ford Aerostar driven by David “Skeeter” Vandermast, and contained as passengers: Michelle “Homegirl” Cawley, Pat “Lizard Healer the Magical Botanist” Corry, and Jessica “Scratch” Kaplan. All were extant UNC graduate students. Different combinations of people populated each van throughout the trip so that by our journey’s end, we all appreciated the uniqueness of each other’s personalities! And yet, in the opinion of this writer, we are a more cohesive group now than before our expedition.
Despite, or perhaps because of, the range of ages, backgrounds, political beliefs, musical talent, dancing ability, and dietary requirements among the travelers in our caravan we enjoyed a synergistic experience where we accomplished our primary goal of viewing and sampling unique habitats and secondarily became a more close-knit group. (Sometimes run-on sentences are unavoidable). Our group shared two passions: love of wildflowers and an obsession with hackey-sack; the former more than the latter although at times the lines blurred. Beer was a close third.
Since the rest of this document is dedicated to describing the ecosystems we visited and the plants we encountered, it is perhaps worthwhile at this point to list the places we hacked: Castalon, Mule Ears overlook parking lot, Laguna Meadow Trail, Panther Junction Visitors Center parking lot, Cattail Canyon waterfall, all in BIBE. We also hacked in Del Rio while waiting for a tire to be fixed and we hacked nightly in our campground outside BIBE in Terlingua, Texas. One evening our obsession with the pastime became frighteningly evident as we hacked until after midnight in a well-lit breezeway at the Bien Venido Hotel in Alpine, TX. Fortunately our kind and gentle friend and fellow hacker, “Maiden Molly” Nixon, recognizing our fixation, grabbed the hack and disappeared into her room at roughly 1:00 AM. While in the Guadalupe Mountains area we hacked at our campground, at a picnic area in McKittrick Canyon, and in Carlsbad Cavern (yes, in the cavern, near the subterranean concession stand. A fellow hacker from Colorado joined us there). During the trip home we hacked at various gas stations and parking lots in Texas, Arkansas, and Tennessee.
Though attendance at our hack circles was voluntary, all of us, even the Supreme Commander, participated at some point during the trip. It is important to note that we hacked only during our free time or during a lull in botanizing! There may be some disagreement between the hackers and Supreme Commander as to the definition of the word “lull” in the previous sentence. On behalf of the hackers, I suggest the definition of “lull” should be: “any period of time, however short, when we were not walking”.
Future generations of wildflower pilgrims should know that one of the great things about these trips is that they are a learning experience from the very beginning. Among the earliest things leaned on this trip was that novelties purchased in gas station bathrooms can provide the grist for jokes and innuendo for an indeterminate period of time. Considering said novelty was purchased during the first day of the trip, and as of this writing it is still receiving attention, the potential for fun may be limitless. The purchaser of the novelty, your humble writer, earned his original nickname as a result. My nickname was later reinterpreted as the result of a little ditty Michelle remembered from time spent in Montana. I am now officially known as “Skeeter Peter keeper of the Peter Meter”. I go by “Skeeter” in polite circles. The novelty item has attained celebrity status and is currently on display in my bookcase in 417 Coker Hall. It’s available to rent for weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs.
With bathroom and/or gas stops every two hours on average, one might suspect our caravan would not make good time. Nevertheless we were in Mobile, AL for dinner. We crossed from Louisiana to Texas at about 2:00 am EST, at which point Jason, driving the White Whale, attempted a rousing verse of “Deep in the Heart of Texas” over the CB radio but was summarily ignored by the tired drivers in the other vans. By alternating drivers every two to three hours we were able to drive continuously and arrived in San Antonio, TX in time for an early breakfast.
Whether it was the air in Texas, a state known for its “anything is possible” attitude, or the decline in brain function brought about by a long drive, Andy Gerschutz, normally an idiot-savant from northwest Ohio, began earning the nickname “Sex Machine” during a gasoline stop west of Houston. Having driven for several hours, I was looking forward to taking a nap in the back of Homeslice. Andy approached Homeslice and through one of the rear windows communicated with me using some sort of unique sign language followed by a double thumbs-up and huge grin. Unsure whether I was to bunt or swing away, I gave Andy a double thumbs-up in return. Andy’s ecstatic smile in response to my affirmative reply caused me to worry about what it was I had apparently just agreed to! Hypotheses flew about the van as I shared the event with my fellow Homeslice denizens. It was decided that Andy probably has a secret wild side that only emerges during periods of extreme sleep deprivation. We all agreed to watch Andy more closely from that point. Eventually he rewarded us with actions that proved he deserved the moniker “Sex Machine”, a nickname he eventually admitted he liked.